((Sorry I’m being so rubbish but I’ve entered the examination/research project/coursework period once again so I’m gonna have to continue to be rubbish so I don’t fail my course.))

asker

Anonymous asked: If you had to write your own paranormal romance in the vein of the most popular YA authors, how would it go?

It was my first day of my new school and everyone was staring at me and telling me how pretty I am even though I’m super modest and don’t know about my own stunning beauty.

In class there was this quiet boy with a dark aura who had never shown any interest in any girl because no one quite like me had ever come along. He sat next to me and made some very patronising and sexually harrassing remarks but I didn’t particularly care because he had dark hair and amazing eyes (which were more amazing than anyone else’s even though the probability is that someone in the world will have that exact same shade). He even had an unexplainable British accent which was confined to his overuse of the word “bloody”.

There was something really dark and scary about him - kind of like a great white that wasn’t hugged much as a baby shark - but I just couldn’t stay away because my natural survival instinct was bred out of me in the same lab that made me super special and pretty and smart (and I am smart, just don’t judge my smartness on my actions because then you might not believe me).

We fell in love after two days and it was true love. Don’t question our two day love just because we are below drinking age. It’s super real. If I knew his last name, I’d already be doodling it in my notebook as I planned our dream wedding.

And then something terrifying and supernatural happened and my new insane boyfriend treated me like a badly behaved dog rather than explain anything to me or just, you know, act like a nice person. His crazy stalking and possessive behaviour is totally justified though because I’m always totally getting into trouble in a really endearing way.

I fell over a few times because I’m clumsy but in a really dramatic way. I never just trip, I fall delicately to the floor like a forest maiden.

Anyway, my boyf made some rude comments about me but I let it go because he kisses so well! Then some bitch came and looked at him for more seconds than I thought was necessary but it’s okay because he was unnecessarily rude to her in order to make me feel good about myself.

Did I tell you how hot my boyfriend was? He was super muscular but in a lean way. The hot boyfriends are always lean despite being stronger than literally anyone else in the book because that makese it somehow better when he drags me around and yells at me and treats me like a child. So I stayed with my super lean yet scary boyfriend even though the Rock seems like a decent guy and maybe I should have hit him up.

Then I met one of my boyfriend’s exes who, of course, was a total bitch because it is literally impossible for any of his partners (except for me) to be a decent person. Also, having bad exes means that you don’t question the break up nor consider that he maybe possibly could have been in the wrong. Because he wasn’t. He was perfect. He had no flaws.

The supernatural stuff returned and suddenly there was an explanation for my super specialness! Praise the Lord! Anyway, I used my super specialness to get into some super special trouble and my terrifying great white boyfriend saves my useless behind.

Oh and in between all of this he revealed that he could play every song under the sun, spoke 3984744 languages that nobody else had even heard of, modeled in France, was a wine expert and was also a qualified doctor. What a lucky duck.

asker

shanneibh asked: questions: How do you select the quotes you post and which one would you say is the worst book/series of books you have ever read? Incidentally, I run the justiceforelliott tumblr (shameless pitch) about the House of Night series, so your blog is of particular interest to me. Great work!

(Shamelessly follows justiceforelliott because the poor kid deserved better.)

Usually I just pick the quotes that make me pull a face. A lot of time there’s someone in the room with me so I read it out to them and if they pull a face too, we’re onto something. There’s been a lot of face pulling.

Oh God, there are so many books that make me wanna cry, I don’t know how to decide which is the worst.

House of Night is pretty much on its way to becoming the worst series I’ve ever read because nothing is more painful than the token characters that only exist so Zoey doesn’t look prejudiced and the superiority complex that comes free with the narrative.

Twilight is definitely up there though because I have no patience for people who fall in love after ten seconds of awkward staring and subsequently do a lot of stupid shit in the name of love.

Oh but then there’s Hush, Hush. Damn that book. Damn the trees the died for that book.

I’m sure there’s plenty more but those definitely stick out.

& Thank you!

drunkenangst said: Hey, it’s okay. We’re all idiots here on ze tumbs

I think it’s time for a group hug to show some idiot love.

asker

silent-radioactivity asked: Aphrodite is the only character in the whole series that has an actual good characterization. I guess that Cast fell in love with her and decided she is the only character she will work on. Because making your other characters original and of good quality is too hard. With Aphrodite was actually quite easy - they took a typical bully and gave her humanity that people usually strip away from those characters.

I feel like Cast likes Zoey too (hence all the justification of Zoey’s bullshit) but she turned out to be the biggest pile of sludge in the whole series.

Author favouritism either turns you into a Mary Sue or an actual boss.

asker

beingapotterheadisawesome asked: It seems that you and I are currently on the same book in this series as we forge our way through writing worse than Twilight.

This right here is sister hood. Good luck, my fellow survivor!

Short hiatus because I’m a fucking idiot and I deleted the books.

I don’t think this is the first time I’ve done this.

I’m really very sorry.

Can you imagine Aphrodite having this conversation with some evil angel dude?

Can you imagine Aphrodite having this conversation with some evil angel dude?

True.

True.

Erin should be a nurse.

Erin should be a nurse.

Their relationship > every single one of Zoey’s relationships

Their relationship > every single one of Zoey’s relationships