Fifty Shades of Grey is not actually about the colour grey. This may already be shocking enough for most of you but here's the kicker: it's porn.


The Fifty Shades trilogy is written by E.L James (not El James, apparently. No spanish banditos here).

I actually moved on from the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy and am basically commenting on every book that has more than twenty synonyms for the word "vagina".

 

There’s nothing quite like the sense of accomplishment you feel when you piss in somebody’s vase.

There’s nothing quite like the sense of accomplishment you feel when you piss in somebody’s vase.

Here’s the family, brought to you by the letter “C”.

Here’s the family, brought to you by the letter “C”.

If Cathy doesn’t actually have a giant head in the story, I’m out.

If Cathy doesn’t actually have a giant head in the story, I’m out.

rainbow-femme asked
Oh my god I've seen the stuff you make about house of night and I love it, those are the worst written books I've ever seen

Thank you! It’s such a loooooong series to do, so it’s nice to know the HoN posts are appreciated.

Anonymous asked
I'm Canadian, and all the freaking eh's and aboots. I don't know anyone that talks that way? When I watch American shows they sound EXACTLY the same like literally no one I know says he except this one woman I know and she's not even originally from here so

Late reply, sorry!

People mimicking accents is the worst, dude, especially when they’re not right. I feel like the people who make up the sterotypes never actually go to the place they’re talking about.

Now that we’re all good buddies after bonding over our accent issues, let’s have an update!

I’ll move onto Flowers in the Attic in a little while because I’ll be chilling out for a while because it’s my birthday on the sixth and I need a week to cry over my lost teenage years.

The FitA queue will probably be more full and frequent than the HoN one; I’m thinking two/three posts a day instead of one.

Anonymous asked
Adding to the accent complaints: half of the people I come across don't know the difference between and English accent and an Australian. I'm an aussie currently living in Florida and people think I'm British up until I say something like nah mate. and that's fucking dumb anyway because they say nah mate in england and it should be my accent that gives it away not your odd little stereotypes

I can confirm that “mate” is said in England and should not be how you tell Australian and English people apart.

To be fair though, you can’t expect everyone to tell accents apart. I doubt I’d be able to tell accents from other continents apart because I’m not exposed to them often enough. I’m not too bothered if people think I’m from somewhere different.

My only real desire is for people to stop mimicking accents that they just don’t know about. It embarrasses everyone involved. I don’t know what to reply to “‘ello, guv’nor.” I don’t know what people want me to reply. Do you want a greeting? Do you want me to call someone to take you away? I just don’t know.

I’m sure Americans feel the same when people think they’re cowboys. I wonder how many of them get greeted with a “howdy”.

Anonymous asked
There needs to be a public announcement for authors writing accents. 1. Don't base your accent on shitty imitations of the accent 2. Either have the accent yourself or get someone who does have the accent to help you 3. Don't fucking write it phonetically this ain't preschool

You’re all really into this accent thing and I welcome you all to the club of bitterness that used to just consist of me angrily glaring from a distance.

Anonymous asked
If it makes you feel better, the accent shit affects us Americans too, even if the book is written by other Americans. Texans, New Yorkers, nobody is safe!

We’re all united in pain that stems from our accents.

Group hug, guys, group hug.

Anonymous asked
You're from Yorkshire, right? Does the t instead of the thing piss you off when people talk about our accent???? People are always like HAHAH THOSE YORKSHIRE PEOPLE AND THEIR T THING and it annoys me so much because Ive lived here all of my twenty seven years and I've never actually heard anyone do it. The only people that do it are the ones faking it. The first time I ever even heard it was when I was watching mcintyre stand up and he was mocking the accent by doing it. Who actually says it??

Are you talking about when people think we replace “the” with a hard “t”? Oh my God, that is the weirdest thing. People have said it to me before and I was thinking, “wow, are you talking about a Yorkshire on another planet?” I’ve never heard it done by people who actually have the accent, only people who are faking it.

I think people got mixed up on what words we shorten. “The” is pretty much omitted completely in certain circumstances, not shortened to a “t”. The hard “t” that appears is usually not related to “the” at all, but to another word.

For example:

How it’s said: “I’m off to the shop.”

How people think we say it: “I’m off to t’shop.”

How we actually say it: “I’m off t’ shop.”

The t comes from shortening “to”, not “the”. The “the” goes completely.

I looked up the stand up on youtube. The one where he says we pronounced “the Lion, the Witch and the wardrobe” as “t’lion, t’witch and t’wardrobe” instead of “Lion, Witch and Wardrobe”, which is how I’ve heard it said. There’s a ton of comments explaining the accent haha. I bet he gets a right earful from Northerners every time he does the bit, poor guy!

scottishpixies asked
House of night has personally offended me as a Scottish person

mageofshadows13:

fiftyshadesofheywhatisthis:

(second message) Like I have honestly never heard anyone here talk like that, never. Aye is the only thing she got right

I think authors should just write something like “…he said, in a thick Scottish accent” and remind us of the accent occasionally instead of actually trying to replicate the accent in written form. I don’t get why they do it. Everybody has an accent, so there’s no real point in writing them all out. It’s really distracting to see one written weirdly, especially because I feel the need to try and say it.

I tried writing down my own accent and it’s really quite hard. You end up either writing it wrong or changing how you speak, so I bet writing out someone else’s accent is killer. Don’t put yourself through this, authors. Please.

I have to agree, I remember struggling to even follow what some of them were supposed to be saying when I was first reading it.

Sometimes using vauge indications of an accent, maybe the odd apostrophy or dialect word, can be effective, but the extremes the Casts took it too just ruined any affect. After all, its mentioned several times that the island is off of Scotland, so the readers would likely assume anybody from there was speaking with that accent.

It can be done really well and effectively, but I’d rather it was omitted completely rather than portrayed incorrectly. It’s something that’s very rarely done right, especially since a lot of authors go by cliches and stereotypes of accents.

I have a lot of feelings in regards to accents in books because mine gets bastardised - but not as much as other accents (I really feel for the French when it comes to people faking their accents), so I suppose I should complain less.

The one thing that works in the Casts’ favour is that they generally don’t use accents to show someone’s attractiveness or educational level. Nothing pisses me off like someone whacking out an accent to show how stupid a character is. If a person’s writing is good, they should be able to show character traits without relying on stereotypes based on accents.

silent-radioactivity asked
I don't think anyone has anything against that idea. I mean, i've read all the books (except the last one, which hasn't been released yet), and unlike the first five (which are mildly entertaining), it gets really exhausting and awfully painful to read. It's like the characters and the plot are developing backwards and it's really annoying.

Thank God you understand!

"Developing backwards" is a really good description. It’s like that Guinness evolution advert where human life devolves into weird slimy things.

I’m probably going to do some other books for a while and then try and get back into it later but I’m just not feeling it at all right now.